I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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