You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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