So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
