you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize