What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
