The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize