If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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