i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
