we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have aggressive nipples.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
