oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
