Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
