i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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