Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
