I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
