She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You ate ashes out of my bong
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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