dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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