I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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