I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
