the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
In America we eat man semen.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
