why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
