Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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