I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize