well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
