This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
