I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
