hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
