You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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