awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
