Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
