Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
