went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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