How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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