I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize