He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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