DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
