ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize