I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
