Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
