So drunk its hurt
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
