You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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