he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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