I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
