He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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