everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My ass is underappreciated
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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