i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
