she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
