3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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