thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
