you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
