Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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