I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize