So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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