It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize