listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
