If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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