I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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