feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
