On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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