He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize