who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
