The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
