Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
