he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
