I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize