There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
