I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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