wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is the high leading the old right now
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize