What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
honey bunches of taint.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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