I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
