nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
