Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
