If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
