My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
