Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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