dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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