i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
