i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
