I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
