You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
