He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
