she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
