hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
