My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
