she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
