Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
