I am in a vortex of obligation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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