Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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