I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
