I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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