ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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