how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
