sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
