his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
is wine microwaveable?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize