Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
