Sry I called you an 8
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
