its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
