Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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