Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
