If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
