Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
