im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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