Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
