Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have already put on my inside pants.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
