ya dads aren't the best wingmen
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
