Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
