His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
