he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
PANTIES FOUND
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